Category Archives: facebook

but i do, i do give a fuck!

in honor of ‘i don’t give a fuck day’ on facebook, here’s a link. check it out if you want to. or not. i really don’t give a fuck.

(actually, i do give a fuck, and that’s my problem. i care too much about things i can do little or nothing about. and that’s one reason why my rsvp for this event on facebook was a ‘maybe’. i probably do give a fuck, which is why i will be up at 6 am on a saturday morning trying to sell some of my shit in a yard sale. if i didn’t give a fuck, why would i even bother? the other reason i chose ‘maybe’ was that perhaps tomorrow morning i’ll wake up and really won’t give a fuck. not likely, but it could happen. so, i’ll play along, either way, because of my need, as a 46-year-old nerdy woman of color, to be with the in crowd for once.)

peripherally related, i use the word actually way too much (see the beginning of the previous paragraph), in writing and in conversation. maybe to break myself of that habit, instead of writing or saying ‘actually’, i’ll start saying ‘well fuck…’ it could work: ‘well fuck, i do give a fuck…’ i’ve tested it out in my head in other instances when i’ve caught myself using ‘actually’, and it worked then too. of course i couldn’t do it at work and other places where i might want to appear somewhat professional. the main downside would be that i’d be dropping the f-bomb more than i already do. i don’t have a problem with f-bombs, unless it seems that’s all you know how to say. and my saying ‘well fuck’ all the time might put me into that category of seeming to have a ghetto-esque vocabulary. so we shall see. (and i think the fact that i used the made up phrase ‘ghetto-esque vocabulary’ might prove that my vocabulary is not ghetto-esque.)

i use parentheses too much also. as a matter of fact, at one point i thought of renaming this blog ‘parenthetical thoughts’ but that name was actually already taken. well fuck.


kicked to the curb

i’ve become a little bit obsessed with the whole cooks source fiasco going on over the past few days. part of it is because i do a lot of writing, including this blog, and part of it is that dealing with copyright issues is what i do for a living. my job title is copyright and document delivery specialist. i spent a good part of this afternoon submitting permission requests to the copyright clearance center, requests that actually stand a pretty decent chance of being denied. if everything on the internet were public domain, as judith griggs claimed in her infamous email, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

anyway, i had planned to write some about my take on this thing, but i’m going to save that till tomorrow. at the risk of being melodramatic here, at the moment i am broken-hearted, and will probably trot off to my bedroom to cry shortly after finishing this entry. someone who was at one time one of my best friends has cut me off as a facebook friend. facebook, yeah, big deal, i know. but, at one time she and i were really close friends.  and when i moved back to columbia last fall, i moved in with her. the day that we moved out of that place this past spring (into two separate places) was the last time we ever spoke.

i can’t really pinpoint it to a reason why, although i will say that this is further proof of the theory that friends should never live together as roommates. it’s cool to become friends with a roommate you didn’t know previously, but the whole ‘let’s move in together because we like each other’ thing just doesn’t work. you end up not liking each other, and maybe you eventually recover, and maybe you don’t. i knew we were growing apart even while we were living together; it could have been the age difference (17 years), or it could have been that i wasn’t viewed as a potential sexual partner (which i’m perfectly fine with), or it could be just that people change, or some combination of all of the above and more. over the past winter, when i was having such a hard time emotionally with so many things, this floundering friendship was one of those things. but i couldn’t even really talk to her about it because she never had time for me, or if she did, she’d invite other people along. or if we did have plans to do something, if she found something ‘more interesting’ to do, i wouldn’t even get a courtesy phone call to be told of the change in plans. so i was really starting to feel like i didn’t matter. and i guess that feeling was right.

the thing about facebook is, i felt that as long as we had that connection, i would see that she was doing okay (which she really seems to be), and also i felt like there was an off-chance that one of us would say something and that we could then talk about what happened, and consider the possibility of trying to make things right. (not back to the way they were, necessarily, but just ‘right’… whatever that means…) so now she has severed that connection, which is perfectly within her rights to do. i know there is still the phone, and email. and when i was living in columbia over the summer, i did swing by her new place a couple of times to say hey, let’s find some time to talk, but of course she wasn’t home. her birthday is this week, and i did send her an e-card wishing her all the best. if she responds, maybe there’s hope, but maybe not.  i’m certainly not holding out any. in the meantime, i hurt. i’ll get over it and will have fond memories of the good, and interesting times we’ve spent together, and the times we’ve made each other laugh, and the times we’ve held each other’s hand and just listened. but right now i feel as though i’ve been kicked to curb. which in fact i have been. one more time.

racism: what’s past is still present

i didn’t know david duke was still around, still stirring his nasty, evil shit, but apparently he is. (for those of you too young to know of him, david duke is a former grand wizard pooba sorta thing of the ku klux klan and ran unsuccessfully for president in 1988, as well as for some local offices in louisiana at different points in time.) i found this out today on facebook when one of my ‘friends’ (who is really someone i barely knew) posted a video saying something about zionism destroying america… well i don’t know what the actual fuck the video was about because i was just surprised at seeing his name, after being quite happy that i hadn’t heard it in a number of years. i am usually quite open minded, plus i *thought* i had some stuff in common politically with this ignoramus that i deleted from my facebook friend list, so i was going to take a look at the video before i passed judgment on the vile thing. however, when i got to duke’s website, from my phone because i didn’t want to leave that history on my work computer, i was reminded of how truly backwards this man is, and said ‘fuck it, you’re gone, buddy’ to my fb contact.

the reason i was ‘friends’ with this person to begin with was because of a mutual friend who i do have a lot in common with politically – she’s quite the libertarian – and i’m pretty certain that she’s not racist. truth be told, i have more in common with tea party types (i will *not* call them teabaggers!) than even i’m willing to admit out loud. i think there are some racist elements within the tea party, just as there are in the democratic party. (democrats can’t be racist, can they?!) overall i think most people involved with the tea party movement are sincere in their desire to have the government much less involved in their lives, and i certainly second that desire. from the beginning of his meteoric rise, i saw some integral potential within obama, but i just didn’t think he was there, and that’s why i couldn’t support him – not because he wasn’t integral, per se, but because of his policies that i don’t think reflect an integral worldview, especially on the domestic side. i still see glimmers and glints of it, but he’s still not there. he keeps banging his head against a green ceiling.

as integral as i might want to be, i also want to be free to live my life the way i see fit, including dealing with any consequences (positive or negative) that i bring upon myself. it is not the government’s job to rescue me from my own folly, as it wasn’t the government’s job to rescue chrysler or aig or anyone else who fucked up on their own (and their shareholders’) dime. so yeah, i completely empathize with the tea party in that regard. don’t tread on me, yada yada yada.

anyway, this little dust up today is a good reminder to me that racism is alive and well (although i am actually reminded of this on most days). many of my left leaning friends would be like, well, duh! but it’s not just a tea party/republican thing, and just because a person dislikes what obama is trying to do does not mean that person is a racist. it just means they don’t like his policies. period. (side note: the republican party was initially founded in order to end slavery, opposing the democratic and other political parties dominating politics at that time. it was the democratic party who vehemently opposed the civil rights act of 1964, not republicans. but you wouldn’t know from the way it’s portrayed by the media today. i’m no fan of either party, because i think they have turned into two sides of the same coin, but i think making being republican equal being racist is wrong.) yes, racism is alive and well, and while tremendous strides have been and continue to be made, it’s unfortunately going to be around for some more time to come.