i’ve been around, really i have, but you know of my tendency to ignore the blog for months at a time. i’m back, for however long it takes. (however long what takes, who’s to say…)
a couple of nights ago i had a disturbing dream. i get the first part of the dream, which involves my mother, and i even get the second part of the dream, because i’m just stating what i believe to whomever i’m talking to in the dream. what i don’t get is what the two parts mean to each other. and maybe they are completely unrelated, as things in dreams often seem to be. anyway, here’s the dream:
I am riding in the backseat of a car that my mother is driving, recklessly. We are on a busy two-lane highway, and she is weaving in and out of traffic in both lanes, almost causing several near-misses. I can see in the rearview mirror that other cars have run off the road because of her erratic driving. Finally, we do hit another vehicle in the other lane, head-on. (Ordinarily in a dream like this, I would wake up immediately before or during the impact of the crash, but did not in this instance.) The dream fades to black momentarily, and then picks up with the erratic driving once again.
We pull up into the driveway of a house where there are people we know. (Some other stuff happens at this point that I vaguely remember, and then…) The person I am talking with in the front yard suddenly runs into the house because he sees a man walking alongside the highway, carrying a huge cross on his back. I just stand there and wait for the man to approach me. He looks like Jesus, and his eyes seem to be on fire. He plants the cross in the ground, and then somehow manages to chain himself to the cross. I say to ‘Jesus’, ‘You fool, it’s a metaphor, it’s all a fucking metaphor! The cross symbolizes our egos, and your death is symbolic of us finally dying to our egos! Anybody can chain themselves to a cross, but the real work is coming down in one piece!’ And I continue to rant along these lines for a little bit. ‘Jesus’ unchains himself from the cross, puts the cross back on his back, and continues on down the road.
yeah, so what do you think about that? am i going straight to hell because i yelled at jesus?