kicked to the curb

i’ve become a little bit obsessed with the whole cooks source fiasco going on over the past few days. part of it is because i do a lot of writing, including this blog, and part of it is that dealing with copyright issues is what i do for a living. my job title is copyright and document delivery specialist. i spent a good part of this afternoon submitting permission requests to the copyright clearance center, requests that actually stand a pretty decent chance of being denied. if everything on the internet were public domain, as judith griggs claimed in her infamous email, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

anyway, i had planned to write some about my take on this thing, but i’m going to save that till tomorrow. at the risk of being melodramatic here, at the moment i am broken-hearted, and will probably trot off to my bedroom to cry shortly after finishing this entry. someone who was at one time one of my best friends has cut me off as a facebook friend. facebook, yeah, big deal, i know. but, at one time she and i were really close friends.  and when i moved back to columbia last fall, i moved in with her. the day that we moved out of that place this past spring (into two separate places) was the last time we ever spoke.

i can’t really pinpoint it to a reason why, although i will say that this is further proof of the theory that friends should never live together as roommates. it’s cool to become friends with a roommate you didn’t know previously, but the whole ‘let’s move in together because we like each other’ thing just doesn’t work. you end up not liking each other, and maybe you eventually recover, and maybe you don’t. i knew we were growing apart even while we were living together; it could have been the age difference (17 years), or it could have been that i wasn’t viewed as a potential sexual partner (which i’m perfectly fine with), or it could be just that people change, or some combination of all of the above and more. over the past winter, when i was having such a hard time emotionally with so many things, this floundering friendship was one of those things. but i couldn’t even really talk to her about it because she never had time for me, or if she did, she’d invite other people along. or if we did have plans to do something, if she found something ‘more interesting’ to do, i wouldn’t even get a courtesy phone call to be told of the change in plans. so i was really starting to feel like i didn’t matter. and i guess that feeling was right.

the thing about facebook is, i felt that as long as we had that connection, i would see that she was doing okay (which she really seems to be), and also i felt like there was an off-chance that one of us would say something and that we could then talk about what happened, and consider the possibility of trying to make things right. (not back to the way they were, necessarily, but just ‘right’… whatever that means…) so now she has severed that connection, which is perfectly within her rights to do. i know there is still the phone, and email. and when i was living in columbia over the summer, i did swing by her new place a couple of times to say hey, let’s find some time to talk, but of course she wasn’t home. her birthday is this week, and i did send her an e-card wishing her all the best. if she responds, maybe there’s hope, but maybe not.  i’m certainly not holding out any. in the meantime, i hurt. i’ll get over it and will have fond memories of the good, and interesting times we’ve spent together, and the times we’ve made each other laugh, and the times we’ve held each other’s hand and just listened. but right now i feel as though i’ve been kicked to curb. which in fact i have been. one more time.

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