this is another repost of something i wrote back in march 2007. i think it’s something i needed to see now, at this particular juncture in my life. first of all, i would eventually like to be in a long term relationship, and this reminds me figuring out what that looks like for me is a continual work in progress. (however, i do have it narrowed down pretty much to these three criteria: a man who can make me think, make me laugh, and make me cum. anything else after that is a bonus.) secondly and somewhat more immediate, it reminds me that i should probably call or email my friend mentioned in the post, just to see how he’s doing.
The Love of God/The God of Love
To Love is to reach God.
Never will a Lover’s chest
feel any sorrow.
Never will a Lover’s robe
be touched by mortals.
Never will a Lover’s body
be found buried in the earth.
To Love is to reach God.
One of my good online friends who knows of my recent relationship woes (actually of my woes since 2000) asked me the other day if I had considered ‘finding religion’, I suppose as some sort of salve for my current situation. I replied that I absolutely could not set foot in a church right now. It’s not that I don’t have a belief in God, because I only get by because of that belief. Hoping I don’t sound self-congratulatory, I pray daily, I meditate some days, do some spiritual reading, and pretty much try to see God’s hand in everything that happens, even in the stupid shit I bring upon myself.
And yet, maybe he’s right. Not about me finding religion, but about at least finding a somewhat likeminded spiritual community. But I’m such an odd duck with my beliefs, and I don’t want a group of people who just pays lip service to what they believe, but who actually lives it. I’ve read a lot of Rumi over the past year. Rumi was a 13th century Persian poet and mystic whose only goal in life was to be one with God. I rather view him as a role model in that regard, and have tried to model some of my personal practices towards a similar goal. Then I get distracted by life.
I told my friend, and a couple of others, that I was taking a sabbatical this summer, from men and sex and relationships. I’m not getting any younger, and I really need to concentrate on figuring out what it is that I want and need in a relationship and for myself as a single woman. One way for me to do this, I think, is to follow Rumi’s lead, which is to just love God. Not to seek him/her, but just to love what already is. And in doing so, in any future relationship, I can find someone through whom I can express that love to God.