when you find a fork in the road, take it

today i understand clearly, perhaps for the first time, that i will likely never again hold the type of job that is coveted by most job-seekers: the full-time position with medical benefits, paid vacay, paid sick days, and all those other little perks that come along with being a wage slave. it just isn’t going to happen for me. part of that is simply a function of the current economic climate. there are people in my town with masters and doctoral degrees competing with one another for retail and service-oriented jobs. (my degrees are in art and religious studies; seriously, other than teaching, what other job would i qualify for but retail?) to even get an interview at the local university is considered to be a major coup (a coup that i managed to achieve once but didn’t make it past the interview). so it seems that i have no choice in the matter.

yet, because of the lifestyle i ultimately want to live, it is a choice i’m making, a choice to end the futility but also a choice to consciously live a life more aligned with my values. and yeah, it’s obviously also a choice born of necessity. if i still held my last position at kcpl, i would hold onto it indefinitely, especially knowing what i know now, but you know what they say about hindsight. still, as i planned for library school and my eventual career as a professional librarian, part of the plan was that i’d also do this urban farm woman thing. i’d work a few years as a full-time librarian in an academic library to save up for a little fixer-upper bungalow. once i got the homestead into decent shape, i’d slip into part-time work (in this fantasy, i’m not alone; i have a significant other) and raise veggies and chickens and knit and preserve food and teach other people about these things and live happily ever after. well, i think we’re gonna have to skip over the full-time librarian part. therefore it’s gonna take a little longer than planned for the fixer-upper bungalow, but that’s okay for now. i don’t necessarily need to own a place to start growing veggies, etc. i just need the will and a few seeds and some dirt and a windowsill, and i’m in business.

what i do need immediately is a place to keep myself warm, dry, and fed, and yesterday i may have gotten some good news toward that end. i don’t want to jinx it so i won’t go into details just yet. however, if it works out i should be able to afford to volunteer at the integral theory conference in late july, plus save up enough money for a fresh start in the fall. i’ll either go back to kc, or who knows, i could end up in the big easy. meanwhile, this summer i’ll work my ass off and will work towards getting a freelance writing/editing gig set up via elance.com.

for the first time in days, i see a light at the end of the tunnel. i just hope that light isn’t a train coming at me!

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