Monthly Archives: July 2008

princess pyrolava revisted

i’ve never had a desire to go to hawaii, except maybe in grade school, when my best friend mickey and i talked about living there when we grew up, and we’d practice the hula in her front yard. however, at some point, i grew up and got over that desire, and when i’d hear about people wanting to go to hawaii, i would always think it just didn’t sound all that appealing… the beach, the sun, the palm trees, the ocean breezes – yuck! ;). but, now, over the past month or so, visiting hawaii seems like something i should do, except i don’t know when and how and why that type of a trip would occur, except that…

it also seems like over the last month i’ve been getting some random (and not-so-random) exposure to books, websites, etc., on dream work and shamanism and mythology and archetypes. and, in a couple of weeks i’m going to cali, partially to see if i want to go to school to study in programs that focus on these types of things, especially shamanism. and, i was talking a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine who is a reiki master and she suggested that i probably should do that also, considering my fields of interest (i am currently a level one reiki practitioner). and i look at various websites, such as a blog i enjoy a great deal, dating god, where one of her foci in integral shamanics, and i see that roger walsh (author of the world of shamanism: new views of an ancient tradition) is going to be presenting at the itc, and of course i have this interest in the work of joseph campbell and carl jung and daniel pinchbeck and studying my own dreams and experimenting with entheogens

and then today at lunch i started reading urban shaman: a handbook for personal and planetary transformation based on the hawaiian way of the adventure (holding it so the cover couldn’t be seen by my coworkers), and maybe i’m crazy (well, okay, i am crazy) and maybe i’m just looking for coincidences… whatever it is, my desire to go to hawaii just intensified. i feel like i am supposed to go to hawaii, for spiritual reasons, and that all this other stuff showing up in my life now is not just a coincidence. i certainly won’t be able to go until after some sort of decisions are made as far as my relocating to cali, but hey, it’s a lot easier to fly to hawaii from sfo than from mci. just something worth pondering as things continue to fall into place in my life…

(the title of this entry comes from a character i played in a children’s play many, many years ago. i was a hawaiian princess who worshipped the god pele. (i wore an awesome gold lamé outfit, with a ton of flowers on my head.) i *sensed* that a group of tourists were dealing drugs and i spent most of the play appealing to pele to do something about it. yeah, it was an anti-drug play. and after play practice, we’d often go get high. go figure.)

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and lo, the messiah speaks…

please click on the link below and check out this funny, well-written piece by gerard baker from the london times website regarding world citizen/messiah barack obama’s visit overseas. not only is he going to change america, he’s going to take the rest of the world along with us, in a handbasket…

he ventured forth to bring light to the world

caught up in the rapture of living

just wanted to post a few updates about what’s been going on lately:

  • i went to court yesterday morning regarding the ex parte against my sociopathic gentleman caller (from now on to be known as the sgc). of course he hadn’t been served yet, which is not surprising, so the court date was continued until august 4, two days before i leave town. oddly enough, this past sunday afternoon we saw each other twice (or rather, pretended not to see each other). as i was coming and going, he was sitting out on the front steps just talking away in a group of people, including two women, one sitting on each side of him. it wouldn’t surprise me if he was doing one (or both) of them.
  • i leave two weeks from tomorrow for the integral theory conference in pleasant hill, california. very excited about it. at some point during my visit i am having lunch with the head of the consciousness studies department at john f. kennedy university, plus i have a campus tour scheduled with the head of admissions at the california institute of integral studies. hopefully this is all pointing me in a new direction. otherwise, my last two days i plan to stay in the city (aka san francisco) and just run around doing things i didn’t do in previous visits, like walking the labyrinth at grace cathedral and browsing the shelves at city lights bookstore. i also plan to visit my favorite place on the planet, the sutro bath ruins.
  • at the workshop i attended on cosmic runes last weekend, i became immediate friends with a woman who was also attending the workshop. we had lunch sunday afternoon and it turns out we do have a great deal in common. it’s really neat when that happens.
  • i’m enjoying being able to read for pleasure again. i’m trying to read up on integral stuff in preparation for the conference. i just finished out of the labyrinth: who we are, how we go wrong, and what we can do about it by carl frankel. it didn’t provide anything new, but i like his perspective regarding what he calls the triad, or three areas of life all humans engage in: problem solving, relationships with other people and nature, and looking for meaning. frankel says where we go wrong is by usually emphasizing only one of those domains in our lives, instead of integrating all three. i have since found myself noticing the triad (or the lack of a fully functioning triad) in various arenas as i move throughout my days. anyway, i digress… 🙂 i need to find some decent fiction to read, something to get me out of my head and just enjoying the scenario unfolding on the page in front of me. i’m also happy about having the time to deep clean, and not just spot clean as i’ve been doing over the last few months.
  • miss sophia is still alive and well. i swear she gets noticeably bigger every time i see her (which is daily, of course). and she’s such a sweetheart (except when she’s not). she loves to sniff everything, and so the other night when i was preparing dinner, i let her sniff the onions, garlic, peppers, etc. as i was cutting them up. the way she scrunched her little face up in disgust was so adorable!
  • i miss having sex, but it’s probably for the best that i’m not having it. the sgc really messed with my head (and i suppose is still doing so) and i need to get over that before i think about being with someone else. on the other hand, as i told a friend the other day, i have no qualms about searching for interim happiness on the way to true happiness. i just shouldn’t seek that happiness with someone living in the same building as me.

boys and girls, this is how a sociopath behaves

very early sunday morning, i called the police on my sociopathic gentleman caller. we had not had any contact for about three weeks, other than a midnight knock at my door about ten days ago that i did not answer. saturday night we saw each other in the lobby, although at that time we did not acknowledge one another’s presence. still i knew that at some point in the evening he’d be knocking at my door to try and f*ck with me, literally or figuratively, because he had seen me. and a couple of hours later, faithful to who he is, there was his tap at my door.

basically his purpose in showing up was to intimidate, as apparently he is still mad at me for not coming up with the money to get his car out of the police impound lot, where apparently it still sits nearly a month later. our last communication consisted of a note i left on his mailbox telling him to leave me alone, to stop harassing me, and that i would involve apartment management and the police if he didn’t. i also called him a loser in the note, saying i wanted nothing to do with him, and called his car raggedy and ghetto-ass. i told him to use the energy he was expending toward me towards getting his car back instead. his saturday night visit consisted of him calling me racist because i dissed his car, telling me i was the loser because i had previously had sex with a trans-sexual (say what?!; i know he was referring to a previous relationship with a boyfriend who turned out to be gay, but he needs to get his terminology right!), and that he had gone to the police because of my previous two notes (i wrote a note back in mid-may calling him a liar and once again asking him to leave me alone). the police had supposedly told him that *i* was harassing *him* because of the notes and that *he* could take *me* to court, but he wasn’t going to do that, although i suggested that he go right ahead. also, the fact that i let him in, both three weeks ago, and this past saturday night, supposedly negated any argument that i had against his harassing me, according to him.

where he f*cked up, though, was the fact that although he did not verbally threaten me, his actions toward me where physically threatening. saturday night there were two initial times when i verbally clearly told him to leave and physically indicated the same thing by unlocking my front door and attempting to open it. however, both times he shut the door and indicated that he wasn’t leaving. the second time he then put his arms above where i was standing against a closet door. i believe he was going to attempt to kiss me, then wisely thought better of it. i had to ask him several times at that moment to put his arms down and step back, and he kept asking me why, and if he made me nervous, and then asked me if i wanted to hit him, to which i answered no. however, i believe he was trying to coerce me into making the first physical move so he could act against me. at any rate, he made some comment about my neighbors not believing me if i said something to them about him being there against my will, and i said something about the way he was acting at that moment justifying getting the police involved. finally a third time i asked him to leave, very loudly, with the door open so my neighbors would be able to hear it, and he reluctantly left, but not before telling me that i was crazy and i needed professional help. he’s a f*cking sociopath, i’m telling you.

he kept telling me how smart he was, but if he was so smart, he should have left well enough alone after my last note, and just not had any contact with me. or even if he did, even though i was foolish enough to open the door this last time, he should have been smart enough to not act physically threatening toward me. i guess he thought he could physically and verbally intimidate me into just putting up with his harassment for the indefinite future, but having grown up in a home where this type of abuse was a regular occurrence between my parents, there’s no way i’m going to put up with that now. i called the police, and was told of course that i did have options. they found him (he was not in his apartment, but, ironically, had gone outside to shoot the shit with apartment security after his visit to me) and *i assume* let him know that he is to have *no contact* with me. (i’m sure he told them that i’m mentally unstable and a liar, which isn’t true, but what can i do when he’s the mentally unstable liar?)

this morning i spoke with the apartment management first thing about options in dealing with him. she said there wasn’t a whole lot she can do at this point, because he wasn’t officially arrested the other night, and it’s hard because we live in the same building. however, the security guy will keep an eye on him and if he’s on my floor (after the ex parte is approved) he can be arrested. also, i asked her what he might have said about me. he had told me saturday that he had warned management about me, although i’m not sure what he could possibly have warned her about that would be true. anyway, she said that he had never spoken to her about me. in addition, this morning i also went to the jackson county courthouse to get an immediate ex parte filed against him, and to set a court date regarding a restraining order. i’m currently waiting to hear back regarding the judge’s approval. finding another place to live is really not a viable option because i plan to move out-of-state in the next few months and to move now within the city would be inconvenient, to say the least.

i was not physically fearful before saturday night; i figured i could handle his words, because i know that ultimately whatever he says about me has absolutely nothing to do with who i really am. however, if i don’t feel physically safe in my own home, it is my obligation to myself and potentially to other women to do something about it, to the best of my ability.

won’t you take me to crunchy town?

it’s official, i’ve earned my hippie card: sunday night i made my own granola. it’s always been hard for me to find granola that’s perfect. i’ll find one that has all the ingredients i like (lots of nuts in particular), but then it will have a lot of dried fruit in it, which i really don’t care for. plus much of the granola i’ve seen, even in whole foods, has a great deal of sugar and unhealthy oils.
enter the cookbook super natural cooking, by heidi swanson. lots of excellent recipes, including this grain-ola recipe i’ve adapted to meet my needs. it even originally called for dried fruit and one cup of a kind of nut i don’t like (walnut). so i adjusted accordingly and came up with this version of heidi’s recipe:

grain-ola
4 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
¾ cup unsalted raw sunflower seeds
½ cup raw sliced almonds
½ cup raw chopped pecans
1 ½ cups unsweetened shredded coconut
¾ cups raw mild-flavored honey
¼ cup coconut oil

preheat the oven to 300 ̊f and set aside 2 rimmed baking sheets.

combine the oats, sunflower seeds, almonds, pecans, and coconut in a large bowl. heat the honey and coconut oil in a small saucepan over low heat, whisk to thoroughly combine, then pour over the oat mixture and stir until everything is well coated.

divide the mixture between the baking sheets and spread into a thin layer. bake, stirring every 10 minutes, for about 40 minutes, until toasty golden brown. cool completely, then store in an airtight keeps much better in the freezer).
makes about 10 cups.

i had some with my morning yogurt and berries. and, oh yes, it’s nice and crunchy and semi-sweet and brown, just like me. 🙂