me and my universe

one of my personal mantras is ‘the universe is on my side’ (a mantra which has gotten me through quite a bit) and it seems to be proving that to me once again over the past couple of days. during the past couple of months, i’ve been going through some sort of crisis of meaning, trying to figure out what to do with my next 40-plus years. as most of you know, i’m currently enrolled at union institute and university out of brattleboro, vermont, working toward a degree in religious studies. now that i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, i’m thinking i’ve just wasted many thousands of dollars that i will have to pay back in loans, because i have no idea what to do with such a degree. i don’t feel led to teach or to go into the ministry or any of the ‘normal’ things that one would do with such a degree. in my ideal world, i’d sit around and write my thoughts about spirtual and consciousness related subjects and talk shit and get paid for it, but where does one find that type of employment? i’ve had a couple of people suggest that maybe i’d be good as some sort of a spiritual coach, because i’m a good listener and i have, as one friend put it, ‘strange wisdom’, and i could still write as some sort of a complement to that. okay, but to coach, to be a certified coach, costs several thousand dollars more in training. and i’m not opposed to dredging up the money for it, but how do i know i won’t change my mind when that is nearly complete?

the easy thing for me to do would be to stay at my current job at the kcpl. despite the many things i can and do complain about there, i love my job (or maybe it’s just that i love working in a library). and, barring some disaster, i know i could stay there for the rest of my working career, getting yearly raises and a decent pension paid to me at the end of it all. but if i do that, it then makes sense for me to go to library school, so i can give myself a $10k raise right off the bat, and be taken a little more seriously. in the meantime, i buy a little house in the volker neighborhood, get a couple of cats, and live happily ever after. this whole little scenario would have made my mother happy (well, except for the fact that i’m not married and have no intention of ever doing so legally), but is really not all that appealing to me. so, back to me and the universe…

…i’m trying to figure this all out, and one of my coworkers invites me to a reiki workshop given by cat running elk. i would love to go, except i have little money these days because of other financial obligations, so i kind of write it off. but i think about it and how i’ve had interests in so-called ‘new age’ topics, like auras and chakras and subtle energies in general. i do some reading about reiki in particular and remember things that people have said to me about my own energy and really wish i could do this, but think i’ll just catch her next time she offers a certification class. but my coworker keeps talking to me about it, and suggests i ask cat if she’ll work out a payment plan with me. long story short, of course she does, so by the end of next saturday, if all goes as planned, i’ll be certified in reiki I. but, it gets better: it turns out that cat is also a life coach. so, i’m going to use her services to help me figure out what the hell to do with the rest of my life, whether it’s eventually being a life coach myself or a writer or a healer or some combination of these things and/or other wonderful things not yet thought of. i really feel as if this was ‘supposed’ to happen the way it is going down. i’m no big fan of ‘the secret’, but i am a big believer in ‘ask and ye shall receive.’ i’ve been asking for some sort of direction, and believe this is all pointing me down a different path than the one i’m currently on. coolness. 🙂

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