i think it turns out that my epiphany from a few weeks has been a catalyst for some major changes in my life as far as how i am looking at the world these days. since this blog’s focus is supposed to be politics, religion, and sex from an integral point of view, i will try to stick to those topics in this post (but make no guarantees).
with my recent (and it’s about damn time) understanding of jesus’ true place in the grand scheme of things (the example of the kind of relationship one can have with god, as opposed to the misleading portrayal of him being the ‘savior of the world’), i have come to truly see that, at their core, all religions are pointing to the same thing: the one true source of all being that is commonly known as god. i had already believed that to some extent, and still made the choice to call myself a christian basically because it was what i grew up with and what i knew best. pressed to identify myself spiritually, i would have said i was a christian who incorporated some sufist and vedanta beliefs into the mix.
because of the studying i’ve been doing over the past few months, i have come to learn of the deceit and misunderstanding of some core truths involved in forming the basic doctrines of christianity that millions today take for ‘gospel truth’. this studying has led me to my current belief in world religions all pointing in the same direction (with many detours and unnecessary side trips along the way). it has also led me to shed the label of christian, as well as any side labels that i may have attached to my beliefs. i believe in one true god, who comes in many manifestations through many different religious traditions, as well as through no tradition at all. otherwise, there is no label i can place upon myself to say where i am spiritually. some would say i’m backslidden; others would call me an atheist (nothing could be further from the truth); others would just say i’m deluded. i believe each individual on earth is really nothing more than god experiencing itself in one of six billion plus individual incarnations, and our interactions with one another are really just god interacting with god. how can someone place a label on that?
so with the shedding of this particular label, i have taken stock in other areas of my life. for several years, i have been a card-carrying member of the libertarian party and have proudly identified as such. i still have very strong libertarian tendencies, but honestly, the two party system is way too entrenched in this country and is not going away anytime soon. the lp may be the largest third party in the country, but they are still largely ineffective in making a difference in policy and having any effect on our day-to-day lives (by getting the government out of our day-to-day lives).
anyway, the fact is that politically i espouse some very liberal points of view (against the death penalty, pro gay marriage) as well as some quite conservative viewpoints (pro-life, against affirmative action, pro gun rights), and then some viewpoints that are just kinda ‘out there’ (legalize most drugs in a manner similar to the way alcohol is handled, abolish the income tax). again, how can someone place a label on that??? while i may be libertarian in spirit, i can no longer consider myself a member of the lp, and really can’t place a label on myself in that regard anymore, other than maybe calling myself some sort of anarcho-capitalist.
ah, and then there’s my sexuality. hmm, well, for many years i’ve lived as a relatively (yes, c, ‘relatively’) heterosexual female. i’ve had limited experience with my own sex, but romantic relationships have been with the opposite sex. however, i don’t have many straight female friends, preferring either the friendship of men or women who seem in some way to be in touch with their masculine side (not necessarily meaning butch). as for myself, i’ve long thought that while i may appear feminine and definitely have a feminine energy, i think more like a man, and have never really been into things that many women i know are into, like shopping and makeup and talking about relationships with men. those things have always seemed like a waste of time. i’d rather talk politics and sports and beer and the meaning of life.
recently, i had a sexual experience that would seem abnormal by this society’s standards, and yet was the most natural thing in the world to me. in the days after, for like 13 seconds, i wondered, well does this mean i’m a lesbian? and the answer is, absolutely not; i currently have a male interest, but have no problem in saying that there are men and women both that i find attractive. there’s no reason i can’t acknowledge and act on either one if i feel so led, as long as the feeling is mutual.
so then, does this mean i’m bisexual? i don’t like that label, because it promotes duality, as though there are only two genders, when in reality there are a panoply of genders. gender and sex are not the same thing: gender is what you think you are in your head and sex is the equipment you were born with. most people live their lives thinking that their gender must match up with the equipment which means they can only develop feelings for people that have the opposing equipment. and if that’s how people want to live their lives, if it really works for them, that’s great. but there are far too many people who, in trying to make their gender match their equipment because of societal constraints live miserable lives.
as far as my own sexuality is concerned, would it be too much to say that i would like to be label-free in this area as well? at this point, my being a biological female serves two functions for me. first of all, it gives other people (coworkers, casual acquaintances, the society at large) an idea of how they think i should be treated. i don’t particularly care for this aspect, but it’s a fact that biology still determines how we are treated. (race comes into this as well, which i will write on at some point in the near future.) secondly, there are the truly biological functions, such as how i go to the bathroom and my ability to give birth. otherwise, it serves no function to me (other than to maybe determine the types of clothes i wear, although if i were really attracted to the idea of wearing men’s clothing, i would). i no longer allow my anatomy, or the anatomy of another person, to determine who i am attracted to, or how i move about in the world any more. to steal a teensy bit from dr. king, it’s not the color of the skin nor the anatomy but the content of a person’s character that i judge when deeming who i find attractive and may possibly want to explore a relationship with.
i know that as long as i am alive and moving around in this world, there will be people attempting to label me, for whatever reason. labels do serve a purpose, to be sure, but the fact is that underneath the labels, we are truly all the same. we are all nothing more than differing expressions of the the same everpresent consciousness underlying the universe. as humanity slowly comes to this realization, hopefully we can drop the labels and just love.