Monthly Archives: June 2007

the poet’s corner

a lovely, lovely friend wrote this poem last night. it is how she sees me:

your eyes hold
a secret
i cannot grasp
a vulnerability
that requires a fragile hand
a mystery
that eludes me


the wisdom of the many

i think i have a new obsession. it’s called, a social networking website consisting primarily of people asking one another yes/no questions. y’all should check it out. this is something i think i could sit and entertain myself with for hours.

here is my first question that i just posted:

an exercise in feeling sorry for one’s self

at the moment, i just feel like i’m at life’s mercy. life is doing whatever the hell it wants with me today, and i don’t like it. we have a couple of major changes coming down the pike at work, one of my best friends is probably moving away, a relationship that i thought had some promise is showing some wear and tear at the seams, and, to top it off, somewhere along the course of the day i lost an earring. oh, and i got a notice from my landlord wanting to know where june’s rent is at; well, i don’t know but i do know that i put it in the dropbox on june 2. all these things will work out the way they are supposed to, i know they will, but i am feeling like no one has my back right now, and that i, in fact, don’t even have my own back. i have no parents, no significant other to cry to, and my friends and my sister, while they love me, they have their own problems. normally i’m not like this, i can usually take things as they come, but this is getting to me at this moment. i really feel like life is just having its way with me. for a couple of days i’ve been feeling something like i know i want something, but i don’t know what it is. today, although i still may not know what it is that i want, i know that this isn’t it.

i know that i am the only person responsible for my happiness, but right now, i could use a little help.

another excuse to drop the f-bomb

i love the word ‘fuck’, and all that it stands for, although admittedly my favorite word of the seven words you can’t say is ‘motherfucker’. i love the way it just rolls off the tongue, and the way it is spoken by samuel l. jackson is an artform unto itself.

but, i’m digressing here. as most of you know, recently a new york court of appeals ruled that the fleeting use of profanity is not a punishable offense by the fcc. fuckin’-a! this is one minor victory in getting the government out of our lives in some small measure, and putting the responsibility back on parents as far as controlling what their children are exposed to, either through technologies such as the v-chip or through the old-fashioned discipline of just allowing them to watch tv at certain times.

check out this article from on a very brief history of the word fuck, and for a more in depth expose on the true meaning of fucking, read ‘the -fword’ by jesse shiedlower.

more orgasms, fewer kids

i love the formerly little people in my life (who are now mostly adolescent), i really do, but this, this commercial is an example of one reason why i am happily childless and will always be so.

zaadz qar: you’ve got one month of complete freedom. what do you do?

i’d get my butt over to europe, first spending several days in istanbul and konya, rumi’s birth place (which i know is not in europe). then i’d go up and spend a few days in venice, then a few days at the italian intentional community damanhur, and finish off in amsterdam, taking part in all that amsterdam has to offer.

this post is my response to zaadz’s questions and reflections for june 7, 2007.

label-free living

i think it turns out that my epiphany from a few weeks has been a catalyst for some major changes in my life as far as how i am looking at the world these days. since this blog’s focus is supposed to be politics, religion, and sex from an integral point of view, i will try to stick to those topics in this post (but make no guarantees).

with my recent (and it’s about damn time) understanding of jesus’ true place in the grand scheme of things (the example of the kind of relationship one can have with god, as opposed to the misleading portrayal of him being the ‘savior of the world’), i have come to truly see that, at their core, all religions are pointing to the same thing: the one true source of all being that is commonly known as god. i had already believed that to some extent, and still made the choice to call myself a christian basically because it was what i grew up with and what i knew best. pressed to identify myself spiritually, i would have said i was a christian who incorporated some sufist and vedanta beliefs into the mix.

because of the studying i’ve been doing over the past few months, i have come to learn of the deceit and misunderstanding of some core truths involved in forming the basic doctrines of christianity that millions today take for ‘gospel truth’. this studying has led me to my current belief in world religions all pointing in the same direction (with many detours and unnecessary side trips along the way). it has also led me to shed the label of christian, as well as any side labels that i may have attached to my beliefs. i believe in one true god, who comes in many manifestations through many different religious traditions, as well as through no tradition at all. otherwise, there is no label i can place upon myself to say where i am spiritually. some would say i’m backslidden; others would call me an atheist (nothing could be further from the truth); others would just say i’m deluded. i believe each individual on earth is really nothing more than god experiencing itself in one of six billion plus individual incarnations, and our interactions with one another are really just god interacting with god. how can someone place a label on that?

so with the shedding of this particular label, i have taken stock in other areas of my life. for several years, i have been a card-carrying member of the libertarian party and have proudly identified as such. i still have very strong libertarian tendencies, but honestly, the two party system is way too entrenched in this country and is not going away anytime soon. the lp may be the largest third party in the country, but they are still largely ineffective in making a difference in policy and having any effect on our day-to-day lives (by getting the government out of our day-to-day lives).

anyway, the fact is that politically i espouse some very liberal points of view (against the death penalty, pro gay marriage) as well as some quite conservative viewpoints (pro-life, against affirmative action, pro gun rights), and then some viewpoints that are just kinda ‘out there’ (legalize most drugs in a manner similar to the way alcohol is handled, abolish the income tax). again, how can someone place a label on that??? while i may be libertarian in spirit, i can no longer consider myself a member of the lp, and really can’t place a label on myself in that regard anymore, other than maybe calling myself some sort of anarcho-capitalist.

ah, and then there’s my sexuality. hmm, well, for many years i’ve lived as a relatively (yes, c, ‘relatively’) heterosexual female. i’ve had limited experience with my own sex, but romantic relationships have been with the opposite sex. however, i don’t have many straight female friends, preferring either the friendship of men or women who seem in some way to be in touch with their masculine side (not necessarily meaning butch). as for myself, i’ve long thought that while i may appear feminine and definitely have a feminine energy, i think more like a man, and have never really been into things that many women i know are into, like shopping and makeup and talking about relationships with men. those things have always seemed like a waste of time. i’d rather talk politics and sports and beer and the meaning of life.

recently, i had a sexual experience that would seem abnormal by this society’s standards, and yet was the most natural thing in the world to me. in the days after, for like 13 seconds, i wondered, well does this mean i’m a lesbian? and the answer is, absolutely not; i currently have a male interest, but have no problem in saying that there are men and women both that i find attractive. there’s no reason i can’t acknowledge and act on either one if i feel so led, as long as the feeling is mutual.

so then, does this mean i’m bisexual? i don’t like that label, because it promotes duality, as though there are only two genders, when in reality there are a panoply of genders. gender and sex are not the same thing: gender is what you think you are in your head and sex is the equipment you were born with. most people live their lives thinking that their gender must match up with the equipment which means they can only develop feelings for people that have the opposing equipment. and if that’s how people want to live their lives, if it really works for them, that’s great. but there are far too many people who, in trying to make their gender match their equipment because of societal constraints live miserable lives.

as far as my own sexuality is concerned, would it be too much to say that i would like to be label-free in this area as well? at this point, my being a biological female serves two functions for me. first of all, it gives other people (coworkers, casual acquaintances, the society at large) an idea of how they think i should be treated. i don’t particularly care for this aspect, but it’s a fact that biology still determines how we are treated. (race comes into this as well, which i will write on at some point in the near future.) secondly, there are the truly biological functions, such as how i go to the bathroom and my ability to give birth. otherwise, it serves no function to me (other than to maybe determine the types of clothes i wear, although if i were really attracted to the idea of wearing men’s clothing, i would). i no longer allow my anatomy, or the anatomy of another person, to determine who i am attracted to, or how i move about in the world any more. to steal a teensy bit from dr. king, it’s not the color of the skin nor the anatomy but the content of a person’s character that i judge when deeming who i find attractive and may possibly want to explore a relationship with.

i know that as long as i am alive and moving around in this world, there will be people attempting to label me, for whatever reason. labels do serve a purpose, to be sure, but the fact is that underneath the labels, we are truly all the same. we are all nothing more than differing expressions of the the same everpresent consciousness underlying the universe. as humanity slowly comes to this realization, hopefully we can drop the labels and just love.